TruckersU Blog

‘Daily Dirtsheet’ Citizen Reporter

TruckSuds: a truckin’ soap opera

Mamie’s was kinda in a bit of a fuss yesterday. Seems a trucker hadn’t been payin’ enough attention an’ when he backed out beside another rig in a really tight space – he took off the mirrors on the driver’s side. Luckily the mirrors gave way before the truck body was really damaged, so it wasn’t near as bad as it could’ve been, but the whole café was watchin’ the incident, an’ they were gettin’ ready to rake the careless driver over the coals.

Well, I’d been watchin’ too, an’ jus’ then I seen B.A.’s rig idlin’ at the corner of the lot – an’ he had a big camera aimed out his winda, takin’ pictures. “Uh– oh,” I said to myself, “What’s he doin’ with that camera? He’s gonna get hisself in hot water too, if he don’t watch it.”

Well, the red-faced driver that’d caused the damage was climbin’ out of his truck an’ goin’ into Mamie’s to find the owner of the truck he’d damaged when B.A. stops him. That durn B.A.’s got a mike out an’ he’s wavin’ it in front of the too-close driver. So I hurried over to find out what was really goin’ on.

“Are you going to have your attorney file a counter-suit for him parking too close to your truck?” B.A. ast him as I got close.

“My attorney? What attorney? I’m gonna pay for the damages an’ hopefully there’s a place nearby where they can install new mirrors. I just hope he isn’t running behind on his delivery time.”

B.A. looks real important, puffs out his chest an’ says, “I’ve got photos of the whole thing. You gonna plead guilty?”

“Who are you? I don’t have to answer to you for anything. And no, I’m not ‘pleading guilty.’ Who do you think you are, one of the stars of ‘Suits’?”

“I’m a Citizen Reporter for the Daily Dirtsheet,” B.A. grandly showed the poor guy a Press Badge.

“Oh, brother,” the trucker muttered. “Look, friend, there’s no story here. Just let me go find the owner of that rig so I can get him some new mirrors installed and we can both be on our way.”

‘Bout then I saw a black Stetson comin’ out the door. Yep, it was Nicky Hammerlane, all right. Guess if you’re gonna take off somebody’s mirrors, you might as well pick on a driver who’s kinda a celebrity in the truckin’ world.

B.A.’s eyes got real big an’ round then, an’ he ran over to meet Nicky. “Mr. Hammerlane! Mr. Hammerlane! I seen the whole thing! I got photos if you need ’em.”

“I’m not Mr. Hammerlane; just ‘Nicky’ will do. And what would I want photos for?”

“To prove this driver was obviously distracted while driving and not paying attention and shoulda gotten outta his rig an’ measured the distance before he backed out. But he didn’t! An’ you got him dead to rights!”

“Let me see that Press Pass you got there, son.” Nicky looked it over carefully, then handed it back to B.A. “Did you take journalism in college?”

B.A. looked kinda sheepish. “N-no. I didn’t go to college, Mr. Hammerlane. Got my CDL as soon as I could an’ started drivin’. Did I do somethin’ wrong?”

“I think you started writing a story – and getting photos – when there wasn’t any story. You owe this driver an apology, and then we’ll all go have a piece of Mamie’s pie while we figure out where the best mirror replacement shop is around here.”

Well, I gotta give B.A. credit. He stuck out his big paw an’ apologized to the careless driver as he shook his hand.

Nicky saw me standin’ there then, an’ grinned real big. “Miles Wheeler! Wondered where you’d gone. How’s Nadine?”

“Well, jus’ walk into Mamie’s an’ sit in her section an’ you’ll know, I reckon.”

“Come on, then. That’ll be four pieces of pie an’ coffee all around – on me.”

So we all sat at a table an’ had a great confab. Hope B.A. mails his Press Pass back to the Daily Dirtsheet, though. He does a whole lot better readin’ the fake news they print instead of tryin’ to get some made-up story as a ‘scoop.’ The only ‘scoop’ B.A. can handle is a big one on top of a slab of Mamie’s pie.

Honk when you pull up to the refuelin’ island an’ I’ll wash your windshield for ya. Miles over an’ out.